On Hindsight. (Sharing)

I know, some say, looking back is harmful because, it digs up memories we seek not to remember, experiences that are best kept locked up in the back of our minds and looking back often ends up in feelings of regret. And no matter what nice term you give to 'looking back' such as on hindsight or in retrospect, looking back is simply, really to think about the past. What you did, what you should have done and what you shouldn't have.

I don't subscribe to that train of thoughts. I feel its good to look back and on hindsight, glean useful and valuable lessons from the past. Lessons in life are often learnt on hindsight. We shouldn't 'beat' ourselves up for our past. It's the past already. Just move on and get on with life and what it holds for you in the future.

I looked back today. I looked back at what I wrote in my blogs - the current and the abandoned summer exchange blog.

In the beginning, it seemed as though I was fighting against 2 inner thoughts. One, the decision to read through the posts. Two, to refrain from reading about the past and the memories.

Of course, there are lovely memories with different groups of people. Those memories bring a smile to my face and open up floodgates of uncontrollable laughter. And there are those which I know are lost forever.

It feels surreal to read about what I wrote one to two years back. I've changed. My perspectives changed. I always feel that among all my friends, I stayed the most constant. I am still the same old jo - the blur, sunshiney, optimistic and without a single care in the world, jo. But I did change to a point, I don't even sense it myself.

And yes, I am still like that. But deep in me, I've changed. Its not a change you can see for yourselves outwardly. Its more of an inward change and if you are close to me and if you bother to dvelve deeper, you can tell. I am more passionate about my faith, about living my life the way God desires for me to and my spiritual walk. I am less doubtful of my capabilities and strengths. I am more certain about my future. Yes, I admit I do not possess a crystal ball which allows me to look into my future so to speak. But this I know, my future is secure and decided in the hands of Him who holds the entire universe. Yes, I know not of the storms in life (the mental turmoil storm I was through the last few months is definitely not the last), there are definitely going to be the mountains (the highest points in life) and the valleys (the lowest points)in different seasons of my life. But this I know, all things will work out for good.

There's a line in this inspirational book and I expanded on it, "When I am in the valley of my life, the natural man in me will focus on the bad circumstances and will keep on dwelling on the lowly position in the valley. But, I should not lose heart and hope. Because, God in me will help me focus on the valuable lessons learnt after the bad circumstances and will keep my eyes focused on the high position on the mountain which I will be standing on, after climbing out of the valley."

To believe and see beforehand the reward, the good outcome after the trials.

I wrote the following lesson during March of 2007. More than one year on, and I feel this applies to me now in terms of my new chapter in life.

Matthew 14:28-31

Heard of the story where the apostle Peter walks on water? He walked out of the boat, walked on water, start to panick and find himself sinking and cries out to Jesus for help. That's the passage.

That passage seems to speak to me. Depicting this picture as to what it means to be a Christian caught midway between my faith and doubt. And, Peter represents all who dare to believe that Jesus is Saviour and dare to take their first steps into the unknown in confidence, believing that He is able to sustain them. We then forget to keep our gaze fixed on Him and instead, on the towering waves that are threatening to engulf us. In the depth of our worries, concerns and troubles, when all seems lost, we remember to call upon His name and find His grace is sufficient for all our needs.

It seems to question me, when you are out of your comfort zone, on unchartered land, do you grapple with every worry or DO YOU STEP OUT IN FAITH?

"For many of you, this year 2008, will be a year of change." - My Senior Pastor during his First Sunday of the year sermon. Something stirred in my heart when he said that. God spoke. He speaks through the words in the bible, church speakers, friends' advice and sudden relevations and thoughts that come to our minds.

It is truly been quite a year of change thus far. And I am not complaining. I thank God for the change no matter how daunting it can seem in the beginning. I learnt to look beyond the change and onto the outcome You have in mind for me. And I look forward to You continuing to mould my character and my future. You are my Potter and I am your clay.